I have to admit it’s getting better, a little better all the time. Truth be told, I have been in a loooong black tunnel for the past 6 years while life rained shit down upon me. Really, so many bad things happened that I curled up like a pill bug touched again and again by the twisted hands of fate.
Only now can I look at those days with anything but fear as the bright circle at the end of the tunnel gets bigger and bigger.
And only now do I have the clear vision to see the many blessings I received during those days of blind fear and angst.
But wait a minute. Something I read on Oprah’s website http://www.oprah.com yesterday made me think that perhaps I prolonged my own agony by living in it as if it was my only option.
Oprah was relating the difficulties she experienced ending her fabulously successful television show and she advised, “Step out of your ego so you can recognize the truth. As soon as I did that, I was able to see the role I had played in creating “my circumstances,” without blaming other people. And—bingo!—I realized that all the noise about my struggle was a reflection of my personal angst and fear. “
Angst and fear. I had always considered myself a risk-taker and an explorer of life, but after getting hit pretty hard several times in a row, I lost my courage and my faith in myself. I began to live in darkness instead of light and to feel weak instead of strong. I was thrashing about for answers believing them not to exist. Oh, and those blessings I mentioned; they were very real and huge, and I let go of their power to clutch onto my pain.
I have to mention Oprah again because she uses her power to bring goodness – I see it all the time. She attracts people with inner personal power so people whose voices I need to hear appear in her magazine and on her website.
In the January issue of O there is a piece by Martha Beck titled “Take a Flying Leap.” She says, “When you crash, you’ll just keep getting better at the pop-up. You’ll live through every leap except the big one at the end. And even if you never leap, you’ll die anyway.” Nice. You can find more from Martha at http://marthabeck.com/.
I have also discovered a blog by a man named Jonathan Wells that is helping me to get moving on my path again by creating momentum. He says, “Taking consistent action toward your goals is the best way to build momentum. That means that taking action will get easier and easier as you go along. Eventually the actions you take will require much less effort. You’ll begin to enjoy your activities because you’ll feel more empowered and confident and you’ll have momentum on your side.” Check out Jonathan’s blog at http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/the-power-of-momentum-2. His Breakthrough Strategy Coaching says, “You’re not here to break even. You’re here to break through.” Fantastic!
It is great when others speak their own personal truth that comes from their own personal experience. I hear and feel these words from these individuals. I also feel ready to work toward my goals of aging powerfully and gracefully and helping others to do the same. I am signed up for the 2013 Denver Century Ride http://denvercenturyride.com/ on June 15th. I am training for the 100-mile course that goes up over Lookout Mountain. I stopped at Salvagetti Bike Shop in North Denver last night for new cleats for my shoes and took my first spinning class in four years. I am moving back into the light.